


Tainted Visions

by SacredMorningStar



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Also on Tumblr, Critical Fics on Tumblr, Demon taints a Vision, Demons, Do not post to another site, Dreams, F/M, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Self Insert, Visions, Visions of possible futures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26713114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SacredMorningStar/pseuds/SacredMorningStar
Summary: When a Fiend uses a vision from the Wildmother to keep you trapped uner their control it leads you to confess your feelings for him and to reveal that Merlora seems to have a plan.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Reader, Caduceus Clay & You, Caduceus Clay/Reader, Caduceus Clay/You
Kudos: 29





	Tainted Visions

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: This was inspired by a fic I read on Tumblr and I think might be here where the Wildmother gifted the reader with a vision of a life with Caduceus and had this little piece come up. https://justahumblebard.tumblr.com/post/617879311290187776/home Link to the Fic on Tumblr and if anyone can find it here then please link me.

You woke somewhere you were sure you hadn’t fallen asleep before and looked out the window seeing strips of daylight filter between the curtains and dust drifting through the light. You stayed there a moment just watching the light seemingly drift across feeling a weight behind you and an arm over your side. It felt strange, waking with a heavy weight behind you and soft puff of breath against your neck felt comforting, something you had dreamed of before but now felt so real, and looking down your side you could see the large white-grey hand laying over you. You smiled softly as your heard Caduceus grumbling in his sleep and you moved to face him looking over his face. He looked peaceful, his face relaxed and his hand pulling you closer in his sleep, although he seemed older; his beard longer, his hair longer, his skin a little wrinkled at his eyes showing the older look.

You moved slowly, carefully slipping free of the grasp, and waited to make sure the Firbolg stayed asleep before you turned to the window and looked out at the bright grounds around you. This was the Blooming Grove, healthy and vibrant and free of whatever strange curse had been affecting it. You’d had dreams of this, when you travelled with the Nein, and it seemed your hard work together had freed up the grove completing the mission Caduceus had been sent on by the Wildmother. It felt peaceful, it felt incredible, to see it so vibrant and the graves so bright and colourful with the plants. You heard movement behind you and felt long arms wrap around you and his taller form press against your back; towering above you.

“It’s quite the view. Something on your mind?” His voice rumbled against you and you looked up at the firbolg.

“Did I wake you? Sorry, I just…I wanted to look out.” You felt off, something felt strange, like something whispered in the back of your mind; like a bad gut feeling or instincts warning you of something. “I woke feeling strange, like…I don’t know if it was part of a dream but…I woke feeling like this was…is…I don’t know how to explain it.”

You felt his hand slowly slide around you trying to comfort you as he nuzzled against the top of your head and hummed softly in thought. You lay your hand on his, feeling the soft fur comfort you, although the hair seemed a little more bristled than usual, and took a deep breath trying to calm your mind. You felt his nuzzle against the top of your head become rhythmic, the movement back and forth of his chin against your head, and he looked out the window watching the world outside for a moment.

“Perhaps a bad dream, we both know how you used to struggle with some of your dreams, but you are safe here I promise.” He kissed the top of your head before slowly pulling away. “I will prepare breakfast, I think I can hear the little ones waking.”

You lingered a little longer at the window, hearing the giant walk through your home, before hearing the beginning burbles of a child. You headed over to the room next to your own seeing a cot in the corner and a bed opposite; a form in each bed. You moved to the infant in their cot as she began to wake and scooped her up to hold her to your chest. You could see the start of pink in the fuzz on the top of their head, but their eyes were yours. They were more firbolg but there were hints of you in there, the fur that covered their body your hair colour, their eyes, their smaller size than their kind usually are. The onesie they were in was made of soft material, hand-made from materials found in the forest around the home, and you looked over her seeing the big eyes blinking up at you. The other child began to stir and you looked over at a young male firbolg who stirred slowly in the same homemade fabric you had seen Caduceus wear under his armour just in a much smaller shape. You could see the elements of nature used to make the clothes and smiled softly as he woke slowly. He appeared to be more like Caduceus with soft white fur and bright pink eyes, but his hair was your colour being a blend of both of you just like the baby girl.

You watched as they woke and came to hug you, taking hold of your free hand, and followed you through your home to where you could smell Caduceus making breakfast. The sweet domesticity of it all was peaceful, such a change from the life you’d had when you’d met in the Mighty Nein. It felt almost perfect being like this with the firbolg, a family you never knew or even thought you could have, the dreams the Wildmother gifting you becoming real to you. After finishing breakfast, Caduceus took your son Cadrien out to the gardens and graves around your home showing him the skills his family had built hoping to teach him a little magic and have the young boy see the beauty of the gifts the Wildmother gave you both. You spent the day tending to the house, to the plants that grew just outside the door of your home, the plants that sprouted within your shared home and made lunch while keeping Clarella close or entertaining her in her small playpen. You’d just finished plating up the meals you’d made for lunch when you saw Caduceus step into the home looking very different to how he had that morning.

He looked younger, much younger, and he wore the armour he’d had when you met; his staff of withering at his side. You stared a moment, panic bubbling up within you as you saw him ready to fight and searched foe the son he had left with this morning seeing not even a trace of blood against you. The sky outside seemed to grow dark, rumbles of thunder growling in the distance and rain soaking his armour. The rain seemed to come suddenly, the sky so clear just a few moments before without a could in sight, now opened into a downpour as you heard your daughter begin the cry and panic at the storm. You rushed to her side and scooped her up trying to soothe her and watched as she curled away from the man you loved that should be her father. She seemed scared of him. She’d never been before being a incredibly drawn to her father like so many other beings were when needing comfort; his soothing temperament being something that had drawn you to him all that time ago.

“Caddy what’s wrong? What happened? Where’s Cadrien?” Your words came out of you in a panicked rush as you rocked and bounced your little girl.

“This is nice, this is real nice, but…sadly it’s time to wake up. This place truly is wonderful, and I can see why it’s been so hard to bring you out, but this is a dream. A poison from a rather angry being that is looking for any way to gain any sort of power. We’ve worried about you out there and it’s taken long enough to let me get into your mind and see what’s had you wrapped up.” His voice was rough and almost seemed to have a strange echo, and he moved clearly keeping on guard. “Had a hint from the creature that trapped you, but it seems we can’t defeat him without freeing you from here.”

“Wake up? What are you talking about? I’m awake, what’s going on?” You searched his face confused and worried hearing the storm outside rage. “Please Caduceus what’s happening out there? It’s like the Strom Lord came with all his fury.”

He had stepped inside your home in the Blooming Grove seemingly bringing some of the storm with him as his soaked clothes drenched the floor below. The wind seemed to grow worse and it was only then you heard the call of your name in what you thought was Caduceus’ voice; desperate and seemingly in panic but not coming from the one before you. You looked behind him seeing Caduceus running towards you using his staff suddenly as if it and the armour appeared suddenly within a blink. It puzzled you seeing the strange moment, knowing Caduceus couldn’t do that, but in that moment you weren’t sure what to think. You noticed the younger Caduceus turned to defend himself and looked between the two terrified of watching them fight, watching the man you loved risking his life, someone you had fought hard to keep safe, and now you watched as two different stages of that life seemed to fight. The older seemed to have a slightly dimmer colour, the pink not so vibrant, the fur greyer now you had the younger to compare him to, and the older one almost seemed to be a healthier weight; more muscle on the older one.

You moved quickly to tuck your daughter somewhere safe, a hollowed portion of the tree that was your home which became a safe space, only to notice no Cadrien coming in behind the older Caduceus. You had hoped he would be there, that he would be safe, but maybe Caddy had found or made a safe space to keep your boy safe when he saw you were in danger from the clone. You watched as a swarm of insects, smoke seeming to come from the insects, rushed from the staff towards the younger Caduceus. You watched the way the bugs swarmed, the strange smoke lingering in the air and that feeling again just prodding at the back of your mind. You watched the younger Caduceus move to dodge and cast a spell making the bugs seem to vanish in a moment turning to dust.

The younger seemed to move casting another spell watching as a dark energy seemed to slow and restrict. It was Bane, you recognised it, but the other seemed to try to get closer, tried to move right up to the older, only for a powerful force to push him back out the house; the door slamming shut with the force. Your heart was racing and as you looked to the hiding space where you knew your daughter was you heard no trace of her. You checked the space seeing the child gone with no sign of where she went yet your panic wasn’t as bad. You looked to the space and frowned as your heart didn’t constrict like you expected and you watched Caduceus move items to block the door and spells to seal the space. Your heart was racing, terrified that this Caduceus was some spy or trick and you watched as the moss, lichen and fungi on his armour seemed to come with a brighter life than that of the older; drawn towards you and your magic. You watched him come closer, feeling for a weapon which seemed to just appear at your waist, giving your that strange gut feeling.

“This is a dream, all of this is a dream, and as much as it seems like a wonderful place, we have more to do. We have the real grove to save, we have friends to travel with, a world outside to see.” Caduceus smiled softly and you could feel his voice calming you. “They are all out there trying to fight this thing, what you see there is not me, although it is an impressive imitation. You have somewhere else you should be. Come and wake to us. Fight him and we can get you out of here. If you stay, this dream will poison you, will make you nothing more than a body, and I’ll be honest, I don’t want that for you.”

You could almost hear the sounds of the fighting echoing in your head, the sounds distant, and the shouts and grunts of the fights. You looked around searching for where the sound was coming from, wondering what trick was happening, only for you to see the older Caduceus in outside your home moving with a strange look that was definitely not Caduceus. There was a fury you’d never seen in his eyes, and you watched as he charged at the home with fury, before you watch as his touch makes the home begin to rot and melt suddenly. You felt chills seeing your home melt so easily, you watched as the older Caduceus simply rotted the walls, rotted the door, made it corrode and drip looking more like dripping fluid than rotting wood. You suddenly felt a chill as you looked over the older Caduceus that was before you, smoke-like darkness pouring out from his mouth and the corners of his eyes. It was terrifying seeing the strange corruption coming from the man of nature and you watched as the once vibrant forest turned to its poisoned and corrupted state again.

“You want to try taking them from me? You think you could walk in and simply take them?” The voice seemed to come from everywhere and echoed in a distorted and chaotic echo. “You think I couldn’t make them forget all this and keep them with me? These are not my dreams, but they are very useful in keeping them close, they seem incredibly fond of what they have here.”

You watched as the world around you seemed to distort a little, like water rippling but across the front of your vision, making you feel nauseous and like the world around you was spinning until you felt the hand at your side. You heard the deep grumble of his voice, the muttering of a spell before your world levelled out, and you looked over the being before you slowly beginning to see whatever it used to hide its form crumbling. You watched as the form finally slipped and the real form was shown with smoke pouring off the body and fury in their eyes.

“Your lies can’t last long now, our friends are working on the outside, taking some of your attention away, and it’s curious to see your strength fading in this world.” The hand stayed against you as the younger Caduceus spoke watching you carefully. “But you see we have a strength that beings like you would not understand.”

The vision of the firbolg in front of you began to slip away, sloughing off like rotten skin, revealing a demonic creature, long horns arching back, leathery wings, crimson and gold skin, dressed in finely decorated armour with symbols and a symbol against the chest of the armour. The staff in their hand had changed into a scythe and you looked over the beast not even sure what it was, and you watched as a dark magic seemed to focus around its hand. You noticed a tendril of magic, looking similar to a glowing piece of red string, connecting you and the beast and you can see what seem to be pulsing orbs travelling along the strand. He noticed you see the strand, noticed his grip and his power over you slipping, the dream becoming more distorted and corrupted with dark smoke pouring out from everywhere as the storm seemed to just end; dust and ash now falling instead of rain.

The fiend was already showing some signs of injury, a little blood from his mouth, a cut against his arm, keeping weight off one leg, and you wondered just how hard the Mighty Nein had been fighting with this beast. His black eyes scanned the both of you again and there was a deep snarl as he sent a spell blasting towards the pair of you; the spell seemingly crying out as if made of souls. You felt the spell wrap around you and the whispers around you seemed to taunt you, to cover you in a cloth-like smoke that seemed to pin you, before you fought against the spell breaking free of the whispers and focused on the blades you’d seen Mollymauk and then Fjord using hoping the dream would bring it to you. The Summer’s Dance appeared in your hand and you swung it fast to make it slice through the red string and watched as the strange strand sliced in two and the end connected with the beast recoiled and hissed.

You focused on the blade and felt the warm embrace of the Wildmother against you and could see her out of the corner of your eye. The dark space around your feet began to fill with plants and fungi and moss as she used you to speak to the beast that had tainted the sweet visions she had given you.

“You come and corrupt my gift, you will face the fury of nature and the fury of a betrayed lover. You have crossed the wrong beings, you have dared to attempt to take them, now you will understand how dangerous such an action should be.” Her voice was soft but there was a fury behind those words you could feel giving you power as you moved the sword in your hand and plunged the blade deep into the creature’s chest. “Enjoy rotting the way you planned to poison my gift.”

You watched in the vision as where the Summer’s Dance had sunk into the creature began to fill with plants. Flowers bloomed, fungi spread, thorns and brambles moving out to wrap around the creature seemingly draining the life from it making you drop to the floor feeling the space around you turn from a tainted version of the vision to a black voice with just Caduceus, the Wildmother and you standing together; your body shaking and the pain from the poison of the creature sinking in. You felt a soft had against you, helping you stay standing as you looked at the vision of the Wildmother lingering beside you as she looked over the pair of you, and you couldn’t be sure Caduceus could see her.

“You are safe, you should both leave here now, although he cannot hurt you now you should get back to your friends. I promise the next time you sleep, this dream will be the gift I give not tainted by dark hands.” The soft voice was calming, much like Caduceus’, and you noticed him look to her nodding slowly.

“Thank you, for your help, for you care. I promise to keep her safe.” You watched as the pair seemed to exchange a moment of looking to each other, a wordless conversation, before they turned to you and he smiled softly. “Come then, we might have given our friends an advantage, but we have to be sure to help them destroy or banish the creature.”

The dream seemed to fade, and you woke seeing the group around you clearly worried and checking over you both. You felt a sudden wave of nausea hit you and you twisted just before you were violently sick; avoiding hitting any of your friends with the substance. What you brought up was dark blue with swirls of black and you felt it burn the back of your throat and nose in a painful way until your stomach was empty and nothing more came up. There was a hand at your back, and you heard Beau trying to comfort you as best she could while holding any hair back that could be in the way. You were shaking and you could feel pain focused on the same point you had seen the red string connecting to you in the dream. You watched as the blue substance spewed across the floor turned black and began to smell worse than what you expected. You moved to check on Caduceus, hearing Jester’s rushed words trying to check on you, bruises appearing on you in the shape of hands against your wrists and ankles. You quickly found the firbolg, who was being checked over by Fjord and Caleb, and stared at him just checking over him and seeing more injuries than just what you saw in the dream.

You watched the way he shifted, clearly in pain, and his eyes drifted to you giving you that gentle smile. You wondered if he remembered the dream, remembered what he saw in there, or if the Wildmother had stripped the memory of the dream of him. You weren’t sure which you’d hoped for, for him to remember or for him to forget, because you weren’t sure you were ready to face the consequences. You hadn’t told him of your crush on him, there was no need with how important his mission was and all the things that you and the Nein had been doing that seemed above what the usual group of adventurers seemed to be part of. You were in a cavern, deep within a cave, and you remembered you had come into the cavern after hearing stories of something within the cave that had been harming local townsfolk seemingly locking them in their sleep. You’d gone into the cave ready to face whatever it was, and it seemed you’d somehow been taken by a creature. You felt embarrassed at that, at being so easily brought into a dream, but it had felt so real and so beautiful and as you headed back to the town, once you were all sure you’d cleared the space and closed off however the creature had been getting into the cave.

You lingered at the back, letting Nott, Fjord and Caduceus take the lead back home trying to put your thoughts together on how to even approach what happened. The Wildmother had said in front of him that the dream had been a gift from her but how much of the dream he’d seen or remembered you couldn’t be sure of. You tried to act as normal as you could around the group, buried the feelings you had for the firbolg as deep as you could, although you noticed his looks seeming to linger on you over the past few days of your journey. As it goes with the Nein, there were few chances to speak with him without the group interrupting or something strange and exciting happening to the group. It was nearly a week before you even knew how you wanted to approach it and then another week or so after that until you could finally talk to the firbolg; the Wildmother giving you a new vision of rebuilding the home the demon or fiend had corrupted.

You had both taken the first watch of the night while out on yet another adventure and at first you had watched the opposite side of the dome, sure that eyes on opposite sides would be more effective than both looking from the same point, only to find yourself drifting towards the firbolg as the evening grew peaceful. You were sure there were no threats, nothing sneaking in, and you settled down keeping an eye out feeling Caduceus take a seat next to you on the log you’d perched yourself on. The silence seemed to drag as you sat there before looking to him seeing the soft smile.

“Quiet night it seems, perhaps a break from all the chaos for a moment.” He looked up through the dome to the bright moon shining and the dim starlight.

“Yeah, with everything going on who’d have thought we could have a quiet night, although I’m not counting on that yet.” You chuckled before taking a deep, grounding breath and silently prayed to the Wildmother for the courage you’d been trying to build. “Caduceus, can I ask you something and you be completely honest with me? Not that you’re not normally, but yeah I just, I need an answer to something and... Yeah.”

You noticed him look to you out of the corner of your eye but you focused entirely on the forest around you knowing you’d grow quiet looking at him. He seemed to evaluate you for a moment before he nodded slowly and turned to look at the other side of the dome and keep watch with you. He had noticed since the fight with the Fiend that you’d been quieter, that something was on your mind, that any moment of being together you always seemed to be thinking about something; although it didn’t seem to distract you in your fighting.

“I will be honest with you as I always am.” He spoke softly smiling sweetly to you.

“Since the dream, since you came and saved me from whatever that fiend was, there’s been something I’ve been wondering. I’ve had to think about this, about what I’ve wanted to say, how I wanted to ask you about what you remember.” Your eyes stayed on the forest around you feeling your heart pounding and racing in your chest. “I wondered what you remember seeing in that dream and whether you would ever... Whether it was something you would even be interested in.”

There was a lingering silence, heavy and almost overwhelming, and you could feel your heart beating harder in your chest. You could feel you mind wandering, questioning, fearing what the worse answer would be for you and you were sure it was that he remembered but he didn’t feel the same for you and was certain he wouldn’t ever feel the same. As the silence lasted, seemingly without end, you finally looked to the other seeing his expression shifting minutely as he searched your face for some answer before he spoke.

“I remember seeing my home bright and healthy, I saw you tending to a child while it appeared I was there. I wasn’t sure what it might have meant, I thought perhaps it was something it had created to keep you, but when the Wildmother said what she had... Well it was certainly something.” He spoke in that way that was strangely Caduceus. “I had been thinking on what I had seen, have spoken to the Wildmother about what she thought, I had been wondering what she might have been hoping for between us or what she was planning. It was a rather interesting vision to walk in on, and learning it had come from her made we wonder more, and I have spent the week thinking on it.”

“I…I just…it wasn’t the first time I’d seen a vision like that. It wasn’t the first time I was shown that, not unusual for different ones, but I…I never thought I’d want to tell you just…there’s been so much going on.” You ran a hand through your hair pulling on it a little. “There’s been so much going on and you have your mission from Her and I didn’t…I didn’t want to distract you or draw your off it more than the Nein already do. I didn’t even know if it would be something you would want or if She was simply showing something that could be.”

You looked over to the firbolg seeing the gentle expression scanning you and your response. There was no judgement, just trying to put the puzzle together and to discover more about what you were trying to explain, before he smiled softly, and a large hand rested against your shoulder. You weren’t sure at first if that was more or less comforting as you looked over his face trying to figure out what was going through his head. For as much as Caduceus spoke openly and fairly honestly with the group, it was hard to understand what was going on inside his mind as he wasn’t widely readable; thanks to his naïve nature.

“Melora, she works in mysterious ways, she has ways of showing us the answers we need without truly giving us the answer we want.” You could see him thinking about his words, trying to be careful, trying to word it all in a way that made sense. “I do not understand what she is thinking with showing you such, but there is some things the gods do that we will never truly understand, no matter how much we ask or what we do to try and please them. I guess it’s more of, it’s more of a what do you think about it? When you see these visions, what do they make you feel?”

You frowned softly as you listened to his words and wondered just what the visions and the dreams had made you feel. They made you feel safe, it felt like you had a home, it felt wonderful, you woke from such visions feeling lingering joy and comfort only to feel pain at the thought of that vision not being real. You spoke softly, told him how it had always felt so good until that moment you thought on it for too long that the thoughts changed to sadness. His hand moved to lay against your back from your shoulder drawing your attention away from your thoughts as they started to grow darker.

“Perhaps we take our time, perhaps we wait and see where whatever this is goes. But it could be something curious. You would not be a distraction, fate plays a funny hand, especially when the gods play along with it, and I get the feeling there is more to these dreams and visions that Melora is showing you.”

“Would any of that…would it be something you would want? Would that life be interesting to you?” You looked up at the other and heard the soft hum as he thought.

“I would like it, I would enjoy spending part of my life like that, perhaps after all this is over and Melora’s mission is accomplished. You would not be a distraction, I’m pretty sure of that, but as far as I know with these things it’s whether it works on both sides. I don’t think we will know for certain if we do not try, if we do not cross the difficult questions and attempt difficult trials.” He spoke softly and smiled kindly to you. “If you would want to try that path, I would like to come with you and see where it might take us, see if those visions can be reality.”


End file.
